Sunday, October 18, 2009
Day Sixteen: Discreetly Give the Finger to People All Day (Anailuj)
Um, this is something I'm in the habit of doing anyway. People usually don't notice. I guess they just think I have an itchy face and the need to scratch it with my middle finger. It's a weird thing to do, but it gets me through the day. I also tend to do it in a far less discreet way, but only when provoked.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Day Fifteen: Be Gay for a Day! (Anailuj)
The book has an elaborate schedule of things to during the day to gradually work your way up to full-blown (If I were a guy, that pun would definitely be intended) homosexuality. I didn't have time for that.
And here's the thing: I hate girls. I mean yeah, I'm really fond of a few of them, but I didn't grow to like them over night. They proved that they aren't catty, sneaky, lying, back-stabbing bitches, and there aren't a lot of them, but I really love the ones I do have.
Here's the other thing: I am in no way opposed to appreciating female beauty. Most of the time it's in jealousy, like "Damn, I wish I had her ass," or "Maybe if I get a better bra I can have cleavage like that too." But all in all, I'm really satisfied with my body. So, on occasion, my inner lesbian rears her sexy head and delivers a wink in the direction of another female. According to Kinsey (who's research was at best debatable, but I'm trying to make a point here and I think he's right on at least this one thing), everyone's sexuality rests comewhere on a scale of 0 to 6, 0 being completely straight and 6 being totally gay. But no one is really a 0.0 or a 6.0. To put it another way, we all swing that way, just a little.
So for gay day, I contemplatd the females I might consider moving up on the scale for, and Kat Von D ranks #1, no question. She's not too skinny, I love her hair, and I'm really into the whole pin-up girl thing. Runners-up included Gwen Stefani for her kick-ass body, Bif Naked (that is what hardxcore straightxedge raw-food veganism can do for you, and Betty Page (look at all those shoes!) except for the being dead and all.
Women I would NOT consider, even with a very open mind: Angelina Jolie. I think she looks mean and her lips are rectangular. Pamela Anderson, because I prefer flesh over plastic. Megan Fox, because even the people from Transformers findsher endlessly annoying, and also because she's running the whole I'M BISEXUAL LOOK AT ME thing into the ground.
End.
And here's the thing: I hate girls. I mean yeah, I'm really fond of a few of them, but I didn't grow to like them over night. They proved that they aren't catty, sneaky, lying, back-stabbing bitches, and there aren't a lot of them, but I really love the ones I do have.
Here's the other thing: I am in no way opposed to appreciating female beauty. Most of the time it's in jealousy, like "Damn, I wish I had her ass," or "Maybe if I get a better bra I can have cleavage like that too." But all in all, I'm really satisfied with my body. So, on occasion, my inner lesbian rears her sexy head and delivers a wink in the direction of another female. According to Kinsey (who's research was at best debatable, but I'm trying to make a point here and I think he's right on at least this one thing), everyone's sexuality rests comewhere on a scale of 0 to 6, 0 being completely straight and 6 being totally gay. But no one is really a 0.0 or a 6.0. To put it another way, we all swing that way, just a little.
So for gay day, I contemplatd the females I might consider moving up on the scale for, and Kat Von D ranks #1, no question. She's not too skinny, I love her hair, and I'm really into the whole pin-up girl thing. Runners-up included Gwen Stefani for her kick-ass body, Bif Naked (that is what hardxcore straightxedge raw-food veganism can do for you, and Betty Page (look at all those shoes!) except for the being dead and all.
Women I would NOT consider, even with a very open mind: Angelina Jolie. I think she looks mean and her lips are rectangular. Pamela Anderson, because I prefer flesh over plastic. Megan Fox, because even the people from Transformers findsher endlessly annoying, and also because she's running the whole I'M BISEXUAL LOOK AT ME thing into the ground.
End.
Day Fourteen: Day of Compliments (Anailuj)
All I learned today is that John will not get out of bed faster to play with us if when I go into his room to wake him up (it was after 11am, that is NOT too early to wake someone up) I deliver all sorts of compliments.
Compliments are great, but people can usually tell when you're bullshitting them. If you need to get somewhere with someone, I think it's best to focus on something you actually do like about them, even if it's something miniscule, and work with that, rather than making something up just to latter them.
But I really meant it when I said John was great at hiding from me under the covers and telling me to go away.
Compliments are great, but people can usually tell when you're bullshitting them. If you need to get somewhere with someone, I think it's best to focus on something you actually do like about them, even if it's something miniscule, and work with that, rather than making something up just to latter them.
But I really meant it when I said John was great at hiding from me under the covers and telling me to go away.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Day Fifteen: Be Gay for a Day (Yellenahs)
It's late and I don't feel like writing so this might not be as ... whatever you think it normally is. I go for witty but I'm not sure I always hit the mark so, this might be even worse.
Today was be gay for a day. The book gave some terrible ideas for things to do to be gay, but they were so terrible that I didn't even want to do them. I changed my Facebook status to "Interested in: Women." I also became a fan of UB's LGBTA.
I didn't delete these things from my newsfeed as I usually do, and I hoped that they would come up on people's homepages. I don't think it worked though because no one seemed to care. Or maybe people are just very accepting of my new way of life.
Who knows. John also decided to take a screenshot of my new status before I change it back, and he posted that on my wall. This is slightly more noticeable than just me changing my status. I also blew some kisses to Melisa and winked at her when we went to go see a concert together tonight. That was slightly lesbo, but we also do that all the time.
I'm sure there are other things I could have done to be gay, but I find that the people I know who are gay aren't really different from the rest of us, so why should I be any different? I know a couple of girls who are gay or at least bisexual, and they're not flamboyant or anything. So why does it matter? Maybe I could have noticed girls' tits some more, but I do that regularly too.
Oh God, maybe I AM gay!!!!!!!!
Today was be gay for a day. The book gave some terrible ideas for things to do to be gay, but they were so terrible that I didn't even want to do them. I changed my Facebook status to "Interested in: Women." I also became a fan of UB's LGBTA.
I didn't delete these things from my newsfeed as I usually do, and I hoped that they would come up on people's homepages. I don't think it worked though because no one seemed to care. Or maybe people are just very accepting of my new way of life.
Who knows. John also decided to take a screenshot of my new status before I change it back, and he posted that on my wall. This is slightly more noticeable than just me changing my status. I also blew some kisses to Melisa and winked at her when we went to go see a concert together tonight. That was slightly lesbo, but we also do that all the time.
I'm sure there are other things I could have done to be gay, but I find that the people I know who are gay aren't really different from the rest of us, so why should I be any different? I know a couple of girls who are gay or at least bisexual, and they're not flamboyant or anything. So why does it matter? Maybe I could have noticed girls' tits some more, but I do that regularly too.
Oh God, maybe I AM gay!!!!!!!!
Day Fourteen: Day of Compliments (Yellenahs)
Ellen, I am deeply sorry for not posting this yesterday. I didn't mean to ruin your procrastination routine. After this I will be doing much better updating daily. Especially since Brian thinks we can't make it to day 25.
Yesterday was the day of compliments. We were to compliment everyone to see if it actually did get us anywhere.
It didn't.
I should have complimented more guests at work. Maybe then they would have opened more RedCards and I'd have more free gum. Instead one of my guests complimented me. He told me that I had THE most beautiful eyes ever, and he's not a creeper because he's married and he was JUST telling his wife about how beautiful my eyes are and how do I do that, is it two different colors or just one?
I told him it was magic. However, the complimenting did get him somewhere yesterday. I was so flattered that I changed the price of his digital camera from like $104 to $34.98. See what happens when you come through my line and tell me I'm beautiful? HUGEEEEEE discounts, Rochester, HUGEEEEEEEEE-JAH.
Then at the end of my shift I needed some Starbucks in order to help me stay up all night. Instead of complimenting the Starbucks team member (Drew) I told him how much he sucked and then told the LOD that they should get rid of him. Then I told Drew how much I hate him. He threw a nickle at me and then I didn't get my change. The moral of this story: If I had complimented Drew, I might be one nickle richer today.
When I got home, I wanted John to clean the kitchen because it's not his birthday anymore. He refused and tried to make me smell his feet. So I told him that I hated him repeatedly while screaming bloody murder. This also did not get my anywhere, as he did not clean the kitchen.
Basically, I'm bad at complimenting people and this whole day backfired in my face.
Yesterday was the day of compliments. We were to compliment everyone to see if it actually did get us anywhere.
It didn't.
I should have complimented more guests at work. Maybe then they would have opened more RedCards and I'd have more free gum. Instead one of my guests complimented me. He told me that I had THE most beautiful eyes ever, and he's not a creeper because he's married and he was JUST telling his wife about how beautiful my eyes are and how do I do that, is it two different colors or just one?
I told him it was magic. However, the complimenting did get him somewhere yesterday. I was so flattered that I changed the price of his digital camera from like $104 to $34.98. See what happens when you come through my line and tell me I'm beautiful? HUGEEEEEE discounts, Rochester, HUGEEEEEEEEE-JAH.
Then at the end of my shift I needed some Starbucks in order to help me stay up all night. Instead of complimenting the Starbucks team member (Drew) I told him how much he sucked and then told the LOD that they should get rid of him. Then I told Drew how much I hate him. He threw a nickle at me and then I didn't get my change. The moral of this story: If I had complimented Drew, I might be one nickle richer today.
When I got home, I wanted John to clean the kitchen because it's not his birthday anymore. He refused and tried to make me smell his feet. So I told him that I hated him repeatedly while screaming bloody murder. This also did not get my anywhere, as he did not clean the kitchen.
Basically, I'm bad at complimenting people and this whole day backfired in my face.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Day Thirteen: Write a Letter to a Mass Murderer (Anailuj)
Sorry we've totally been slacking. It's the most midtermiest time of the year. Also, John's birthday! Happy birthday, Booger!
I picked David Berkowitz, a.k.a. Son of Sam, for my mass murderer. He shot a bunch of girls in the New York City in the 70s because "a demon possessing his neighbor's dog told him to." He also wrote a couple creepy letters to the police that reveal some pretty extreme schizophrenia. You'll definitely wanna read those. Creepy.
These days David spends his time serving six life sentances at Sullivan Correctional Facility in Fallsburg, NY, and being a born-again Christian. I might sound crazy myself, but I think this guy may have actually gotten better (may have). He has a website that's maintained for him by a church group because he's not allowed to have access to a computer. He posts a journal in it that's full of totally coherent and sane things, and is totally into Jesus, which I think is nice. I know you're probably doubting that a guy who killed six people an wounded seven could have changed but you'll have to isit his website. He's a really interesting individual, in a lot of ways. So here's what I would say to him.
Dear Mr. Berkowitz,
How are things? I've taken a look at your journal, and all things considered, you seem pretty happy. I think if there's any way to redeem yourself for your past, you're probably doing it. It seems like youv'e givn a lot of people hope and a new outlook on things. I also think it's really cool that when you write your memoir the proceeds will go to the NYS Crime Victims Board, and that you're working to stop the sale of crime memoribilia. Things like that could seriously cut down on the amount of attention people receive for committing crimes, and you probably know better than anybody else that that attention is a major motivating factor.
Now to wax philosophic. They call you a born-again Christian. As a Christian, you must believe that if you truly repent for your sins, God will forgive you and you'll be redeemed. But do you? You've said you think you don't want a chance at parole an that you think you deserve to spend your life in prison. But what about the after-life? Do you believe that when you die, you'll be rewarded with eternal paradise, that repenting has saved you from an eternity in hell? What about the girls you killed? Do you think they could ever forgive you? Do you think you'll see them after death and get a chance to apologize?
My religious beliefs are still sort of up in the air. But your situation is about as unique as it could get, and it makes me evaluate things.
Thanks for all the thoughts,
[insert code name here]
I picked David Berkowitz, a.k.a. Son of Sam, for my mass murderer. He shot a bunch of girls in the New York City in the 70s because "a demon possessing his neighbor's dog told him to." He also wrote a couple creepy letters to the police that reveal some pretty extreme schizophrenia. You'll definitely wanna read those. Creepy.
These days David spends his time serving six life sentances at Sullivan Correctional Facility in Fallsburg, NY, and being a born-again Christian. I might sound crazy myself, but I think this guy may have actually gotten better (may have). He has a website that's maintained for him by a church group because he's not allowed to have access to a computer. He posts a journal in it that's full of totally coherent and sane things, and is totally into Jesus, which I think is nice. I know you're probably doubting that a guy who killed six people an wounded seven could have changed but you'll have to isit his website. He's a really interesting individual, in a lot of ways. So here's what I would say to him.
Dear Mr. Berkowitz,
How are things? I've taken a look at your journal, and all things considered, you seem pretty happy. I think if there's any way to redeem yourself for your past, you're probably doing it. It seems like youv'e givn a lot of people hope and a new outlook on things. I also think it's really cool that when you write your memoir the proceeds will go to the NYS Crime Victims Board, and that you're working to stop the sale of crime memoribilia. Things like that could seriously cut down on the amount of attention people receive for committing crimes, and you probably know better than anybody else that that attention is a major motivating factor.
Now to wax philosophic. They call you a born-again Christian. As a Christian, you must believe that if you truly repent for your sins, God will forgive you and you'll be redeemed. But do you? You've said you think you don't want a chance at parole an that you think you deserve to spend your life in prison. But what about the after-life? Do you believe that when you die, you'll be rewarded with eternal paradise, that repenting has saved you from an eternity in hell? What about the girls you killed? Do you think they could ever forgive you? Do you think you'll see them after death and get a chance to apologize?
My religious beliefs are still sort of up in the air. But your situation is about as unique as it could get, and it makes me evaluate things.
Thanks for all the thoughts,
[insert code name here]
Day Thirteen: Write a Letter to a Mass Murderer (Yellenahs)
Here is what happened. Yellenahs almost died on Sunday, and Anailuj spent the majority of the day making sure this didn't happen. And then Anailuj had her only midterm ever (because she's an English major) this week, so she didn't want to blog.
And now we are a little late. But apparently Anailuj has still been doing the instructions, but not blogging. I, however, have not been following the instructions because I thought we were waiting until today to continue. There was a bit of miscommunication on that point. She'll probably have to repeat them. So she can blog properly, of course!
I'm writing my letter to Peter Sutcliffe, better known as the Yorkshire Ripper. He killed 13 women. Pretty violently. He now resides in a mental hospital in Britain. Some laws might change and he might be out in 2011. That's a little scary. I'm glad I'm not a British whore.
Dear Peter,
How's it going? Happy 25th anniversary at Broadmoor! It's been awhile, huh? You must be making a lot of friends there. By a lot, I mean the others within your head. Sorry, I shouldn't make jokes about your schizophrenia. I heard that you've had a rough time there at Broadmoor. The other prisoners aren't very nice to you? I hope you're handling it all right.
Do you still get the urge? You know, the urge. I hope not. I hope that you're getting better. Especially since you might get to be free in two years! We wouldn't want you to do anything bad out here on the streets.
Does Broadmoor have ghosts? It's a really old facility. I bet it has ghosts. I bet it's super creepy. That would be so cool. Old mental asylums are the coolest. Probably not if you have to live there, though. But you probably get to see a lot of ghosts! Maybe even the ghost of Jack the Ripper. He's pretty famous. And you guys were into pretty similar things, you know, killing British whores. You even have similar nicknames.
Were you friends with June Gibbons when she was there? Well, you might have wanted to tear her to shreds for being female. But she seems like a cool chick. And the sister, too. Did they teach you their language?
Sorry about all the questions. The life of the criminally insane is so fascinating.
Good luck with the rest of your stay there!
Sincerely,
Yellenahs
And now we are a little late. But apparently Anailuj has still been doing the instructions, but not blogging. I, however, have not been following the instructions because I thought we were waiting until today to continue. There was a bit of miscommunication on that point. She'll probably have to repeat them. So she can blog properly, of course!
I'm writing my letter to Peter Sutcliffe, better known as the Yorkshire Ripper. He killed 13 women. Pretty violently. He now resides in a mental hospital in Britain. Some laws might change and he might be out in 2011. That's a little scary. I'm glad I'm not a British whore.
Dear Peter,
How's it going? Happy 25th anniversary at Broadmoor! It's been awhile, huh? You must be making a lot of friends there. By a lot, I mean the others within your head. Sorry, I shouldn't make jokes about your schizophrenia. I heard that you've had a rough time there at Broadmoor. The other prisoners aren't very nice to you? I hope you're handling it all right.
Do you still get the urge? You know, the urge. I hope not. I hope that you're getting better. Especially since you might get to be free in two years! We wouldn't want you to do anything bad out here on the streets.
Does Broadmoor have ghosts? It's a really old facility. I bet it has ghosts. I bet it's super creepy. That would be so cool. Old mental asylums are the coolest. Probably not if you have to live there, though. But you probably get to see a lot of ghosts! Maybe even the ghost of Jack the Ripper. He's pretty famous. And you guys were into pretty similar things, you know, killing British whores. You even have similar nicknames.
Were you friends with June Gibbons when she was there? Well, you might have wanted to tear her to shreds for being female. But she seems like a cool chick. And the sister, too. Did they teach you their language?
Sorry about all the questions. The life of the criminally insane is so fascinating.
Good luck with the rest of your stay there!
Sincerely,
Yellenahs
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