Day Forty something...

Today, the book instructs me to write a proper diary entry of my day. Winston Churchill apparently did this while he was commanding a huge army in a World War. Therefore, I should also be able to do this. Let me tell you, internet following, my life is significantly more busy and stressful than Winston Churchill's.

Not really, but you can let me believe that. Thanks.

Dear Diary,

Today I woke up at least seven times to the horrible sound of my alarm clock going off. It was terrible. Although I should have gotten out of bed at 8:00 a.m., I postponed this treacherous task until 8:33. I took a shower, did my make up (the best make up ever!), put on some clothes, and trudged downstairs to get some caffeine and food into my system. For these things to occur, I had to also wash my bowl and thermos.

I finished getting ready and got into my car to go to school. Some assface who obviously doesn't have anywhere to be at ten o'clock sharp was driving slow, but I got a really good parking spot.

My first class consisted of my insane professor talking about nothing relevant for a half an hour, and then my insane professor trying to figure out how to use the DVD player. I'm not sure how he doesn't know how to work it yet, because we watch movies all the time but somehow this technology is beyond him. I understand that he's old and all but come on! He presses so many god damned buttons you'd think he would figure it out by now.

I spent my time downloading music and trying to play Farmville, but it was running pretty slow. When my professor finally let us out five minutes late, I went to the bus and crushed myself between two boys who find it necessary to spread their legs approximately 180 degrees. One of them had bad breath. I turned up my music so that I couldn't hear the retarded freshmen girls talking and looked the other way.

Luckily it's Friday so I was able to obtain a seat in Baldy Walkway pretty easily, but the douchebag who's in both of my classes today also obtained a seat near me, and I can hear him talking about stupid things and listening to terrible music.

Then I had a delicious chicken salad wrap at a delicious deli. Then I had another class and went to work for 8 hours and 45 very long minutes. There were a lot of Canadians involved but I also had a blue glittery bouncy ball for awhile and then I had a piano thing that makes meow noises but then my manager took them both away and I was le sad.

Then I came home and baked a cake for Matt Lang because his birthday was recently and it was delicious but really dangerous to light and cut while slightly tipsy, which I did. Plus the boys attacked me. Now I am writing some blog! There are people in my house! A couple left! Now I am going!

Hugs and kisses!
Yellenahs

Day Twenty-five: Things You Will Never Do Before You Die (Yellenahs)

The book gives a long list of random things that many people do/do not do before they die. Many of them are life goals and dreams, and others are really strange things. I've been waiting for this day. I've been dreaming about it and looking forward to it. It took all of my willpower to not fill out this list weeks ago.

There's a bit of reverse psychology involved in this day. By choosing things you will never do before you die, you effectively also have a list of things you probably will do before you die. I think this is pretty cool. I'm a big fan of making lists of life goals.

Some of the things are so strange, however, that I just couldn't bring myself to say I would never do them. I don't want to limit myself!

Here are some things I will never do before I die:

• Climb Everest (I will never be that athletic)
  
• Become World Chess Champion (I probably couldn't beat a 5 year old)
  
• Rob a bank (too risky)
  
• Walk to the North Pole (refer to Everest)
  
• Learn the Periodic Table by heart (fuck Chemistry)
  
• Grow a tail (seems impossible)
  
• Grow a beard (I'm female)
  
• Master the yo-yo (lame)
  
• Sleep with a whore of Babylon (gross)
  
• Become Pope (again, female)

Some things I'm not limiting myself from:

• Travel at warp speed
• Visit Bhutan
• Read Proust
• Watch all of Bergman
• Exterminate a zombie
• Write in cuneiform
• Start my own religion
• Track down Lord Lucan
• Travel back in time
• Invent a typeface

Things I plan to do/probably will do/have done that are on the list:

• Learn Italian
• Kiss a stranger
• Fall for advertising (have you seen the Droid commercial?!)
  
• Wish upon a star
• Get a tattoo
• Proclaim myself empress
• Ride a Harley
• Save the world
• Become grumpy when old
• Experience an earthquake
  

Day Twenty-One: Patriotism Day (Yellenahs)

Today is Patriotism Day! I choose to be patriotic about Moldova. Never heard of Moldova? That's okay, me either.

Moldova is a tiny little European country between Romania and the Ukraine where the people enjoy stuffed cabbage rolls and have really beautiful architecture. They're basically Romanian. The area has been attacked by pretty much every group of armed men ever, and the history reads like a history of Middle Earth. I'm actually 99% positive that Tolkien stole all of his ideas straight from Dacia/Thracia (the early conquerors of Moldova...2000 years ago), complete with strange words like Burebista and Muntenia.

It's probably also full of vampires (not glittery vampires, real bad ass suck your blood whither in the sun vampires) because as a former part of Dacia, it was probably also part of Transylvania, and therefore Dracula resides here. WHICH MAKES IT THE BEST COUNTRY EVER.

I'm having so many patriotic feelings about Moldova I can hardly contain myself. I feel like it's probably a pretty interesting place, with a rich history and culture. I'd like to go there someday.

Except for that it's the poorest nation in Europe. But it's got a low unemployment rate. They'll probably do okay. At least they have vampires.

This is their national anthem. It's beautiful. You'll feel most patriotic if you listen to the national anthem while staring at a map or picture of Moldova. Try it!

Days Seventeen and Eighteen: Eat Nothing But Asparagus; Kill Something (Anailuj)

I did not eat any asparagus on Sunday. Variety is the spice of like. Without difference there is nothing. We only experience anything because we recognize, sometimes without realizing it, that is it different from other things we experience. Difference is everything. Difference is the motor that keeps the world spinning. Everything in the world manifests itself through its difference from other things; our entire being comes from difference. Yeah, I'm all caught up on my de Saussure and Heidigger, how about you?
My point is that if I experience nothing but asparagus (or any other food for that matter) all day, I will experience nothing. Orally, at least. But I'm also sick which means my nose is stuffed up and there's fluid in my head, so I'm not experiencing things olfactorily or auditorily all that well either.
And I totally agree with Yellenahs that this task could have been better. It should have been a day of fasting if anything. We're so spoiled we don't even realize that getting to eat three meals, or even one meal, a day is a privelege that not everybody shares.

For Kill Something Day, I decided to take the advice of a friend and kill this virus that has invaded my body. You think you're going to lay seige to Anailujinople and turn my Hagia Sophias into little influenza mosques where you'll worship the gods of the cold and flu season? You think you're going to prevent me from screaming at the top of my lungs at the haunted house I have every intention of visiting this weekend? Think again, little flu germs. I'm taking high doses of echinacea and vitamin C and will NOT being seeing a doctor because I've lost faith in modern medicine. You think you're going to go away and just leave me with a sinus infection that I won't be able to shake until Spring? YOU CAN JUST SUCK IT.

See, this is why I don't let us all eat out of the same big pot when I make mac n cheese. Community mac n cheese spreads viral disease!

5 points if you got my seige of Constantinople metaphor. Also, I am deeply sorry for that seige of Constantinople metaphor.